the light & dark we all share
I want to feel whole. I think we all do. Maybe you have a different word for it- peaceful, free, transcendental. Whatever you call it when you feel most alive, whenever all of your questions are put to rest, when you feel like everything and nothing matter at the same time, when you feel calm in every cell of your being- that’s what I call wholeness.
I desire wholeness because I often feel so far from it.
I suffer, but I don’t always share it with you because I do not want to risk being a burden. I cry, but I don’t always let you see. I worry that you are only interested in my smile. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. Sometimes I do bad things. Sometimes it feels good to do bad things, because I have a dark side, but I don’t always reveal it to you because I don’t know what you will think.
Being human is hard. Sometimes bad things happen and it’s all I can do to keep to breathing. There have been times when I have been so shrouded by darkness that I forget what it means to be light. There have been moments when I have felt so broken that I fear I would never be whole again.
But even in those moments I was already whole.
To be whole is to hold the potential for the entire spectrum of experience. Wholeness is not seen only in lightness or in dark; it is the container that holds them both. It is the capacity to transcend them both.
I desire wholeness because somewhere deep within me I know I already am that.
I am whole.
I believe it is the essence of every human being. There is nothing that could be given or taken away to make me more or less human. I may be reduced to my job title, to my looks, to an idea I have, to one thing someone does or doesn’t like about me- I am all that and so much more. I am human and I am whole. I am kind because I contain the potential for violence. I am loving because I contain the potential for hate. I have joy because I contain the experience of sadness. I can see lightness in me because there is also darkness.
Darkness is a consequence of suffering, and suffering is a part of the human condition. I must embrace darkness. To deny it risks intolerance of other’s darkness.
I explore the shadowy spaces within me. It takes a while for my eyes to adjust to the dark, but after a while I find strength, healing and even peace.
Maybe my struggles are not only for me. Perhaps they are to prepare me to better understand you. I face my darkness so that I maybe I can support you with yours.
Come tell me all your troubles, and I will smile. We are connected. We are the same, you and me. Maybe not in the details, but as a whole.
We are never as different as we think we are. We have ideas about life, questions about death. We think about sex. We want to love and be loved. We are complex culminations of light and dark, and we all want the freedom to express our whole selves and experience that wholeness with others.
We connect to remember we are whole. We are able to connect because all that is in you is in me too.
So let us help untangle each other from the illusion that we are ever alone in our struggles -- that we are crazy for thinking the way that we think or wrong for feeling the way that we feel. I want to stop feeling so fragmented trying to overcome or erase my darkness. I want to stop agonizing over what is light enough to share. I want to be integrated. I want to offer you my whole self, and I want to invite you to do the same. We shine bright lights on what we can fearlessly show of ourselves. Let us as courageously reveal what we hide in the dark. Let us not be afraid of each other. Reject anything that fosters the impression that we are far apart. May we hold our hearts open to one another and trust each other to receive our hearts with grace.
Tell me all your darkness. Tell me all about your light, and I will smile because we are connected. We are the same, you and me. Maybe not in the details, but because we are both whole.
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